I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
