He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
