I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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