i may or may not be watching the land before time
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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