I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
