if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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