the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
