apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
