There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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