whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
