her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
