Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
