Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
