Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
