I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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