that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
