I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your dad touched me again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My penis needs a shock collar
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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