Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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