There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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