Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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