Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
