I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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