It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
