I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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