Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
