Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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