I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
