we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
