I want to walk on stilts...naked
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
