drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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