Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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