my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
