apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
