come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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