No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
