wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
