were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think your dad took our porno
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
