i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can you bring me the toilet please
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
