We got so high we made milksteak
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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