Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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