uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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