If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
