You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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