One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
