They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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