the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
