pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
