I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
do nipples grow back?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
