Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
