The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
