Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
