I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
