There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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