how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
