I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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