ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
