I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
