I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
