I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
