A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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