I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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