you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
